


Eight Years

by rainbowdots888



Category: Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, Falling In Love, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, High School, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 10:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11804382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowdots888/pseuds/rainbowdots888
Summary: “We can do it, Ryo. Together, we can do anything.”





	Eight Years

_2017\. Tadayoshi, Loving._

 

I take his hand in mine and the sun grazes our skins, his tanned forearm and my way whiter one contrasting nicely. Birds are singing a sweet melody in the valley where we stopped to rest, lost in the wild and spectacular Colorado, and none of us dares to interrupt them. One could say we have nothing to tell each other when it's quite the contrary. We just know exactly when words are not needed between us. One look, one little smile that makes the mole just under his left eye move up in glee and I've understood all that there is to understand.

 

He loves me and I love him.

 

It's so simple and so complex.

 

Fate. Sometimes, I think we were born to meet and share our lives, but I don't like this idea very much in the end. It's like believing some unknown power decided that we had to be together.

 

We decided for ourselves, we made what we are, year after year, day after day, through the sunny springs and the stormy winters.

 

He glances at me and turns shyly to the other side.

 

“What?” I say, breaking the silence. I'm curious, he rarely shows this side of him. He fumbles into his backpack and takes something out, a flower. It's pretty, its petals a bright yellow that shines in the sun.

 

“'I found this on the way. It's beautiful. I thought you'd like it...” He shrugs as if it were a very casual thing to do, giving a flower to his lover, but I can see that he enjoys the light in my eyes and how my hand slightly squeezes his.

 

****************  
_2009\. Ryo, Taming._

  
We are neighbors. Well, our parents are. We didn't go to the same high school but we meet regularly on the way to the nearest station. He looks like the punk of his school, his uniform always crumpled, the collar flippantly opened on a bare and muscular torso. When he is with his friends he always ignores me. Sometimes, though, he rings my doorbell and timidly asks for a video game tip. He makes the greatest efforts in order to ask my nerdy self how to pass a level, discreetly, when the other guys are not around him.

 

I'm not exactly the coolest guy out there. All small and skinny. His friends are calling me a dwarf.

 

Today he came in for the first time. He looks pretty decent when he's wearing normal clothes and his dyed hair is falling naturally around his pretty face, for once not slicked back and caught in an entire jar of gel.

 

He looks beautiful even. And he allows himself a smile, then two when I dare to make a crap joke. It's really bad but he laughs, still, politely. It seems like I'm discovering someone different, miles away from the thug all the girls around are falling for. A blond bang is falling over his eyes and he's talking to me, naturally, as if we were friends. I think my cheeks are turning pink and it's even worse when he notices.

 

“Ryo... You changed your glasses, right?”

 

“Y-yes. How...”

 

“They suit you. You look... clever, with them on.”

 

“Oh. Thanks.”

 

There's a silence and I don't know where to look anymore because he's staring at me and I think that if our gazes meet, I may drown into the light of his dark brown eyes. My mother comes home at that moment, thankfully, and we're dragged out of that trance that has seized us when the door slams behind her.

 

“I-I need to get going, see ya...” He stutters hurriedly.

 

A second later, he's out and his fragrance only remains. What is that sting in my heart, what does that mean... and why are my legs shaking like this?

 

****************  
  
_2010\. Tadayoshi, Protecting._

 

They've waited for Ryo to walk out of the station.They behave like wolves around him, a bunch of starving beasts anticipating the feast. He looks like a frail doe, his beautiful lashes fluttering behind his glasses. They're harassing him, I know that. I told them to stop, months ago, I even had to fight barehanded some of them behind the gym and after I had broken a nose and some of their teeth, they'd stopped.

 

But wild animals don't know the limits. They behaved for a little while, yes, because the dominant one had bared his fangs. But I'm not the dominant anymore, I'm not as admired as I was because one day, they saw me talking with Ryo, in his parent's backyard. We were heatedly discussing the new console that we couldn't wait to try together and it clashed so hard with the image they had of me. I'm not their boss anymore but they know better than to attack me. One of them still has holes instead of teeth. They remember.

 

I stub my cigarette out on the concrete wall next to me. I can't stand their harsh words and his resigned look anymore. My feet are bringing me toward their group faster than I'd like and my fists are already clenched. Sweaty in fear, but still as hard as stone, ready to do their job. The first one who sees me hasn't any time to think to protect his face that my knuckles are already meeting with his cheekbone with a cracking sound. It hurts but the cold anger that boils in me has decided that we wouldn't mind the pain as long as Ryo comes out of this trap unscathed. They're now running at me, their victim is not interesting anymore, he has the intelligence not to fight back. I'm way dumber but I love the idea of him being the brains and me the fists in our team.

 

 _Our team_.

 

I smile at this thought while twisting arms and kicking bodies. I feel exactly where I should be, protecting him.

 

One of them manages to get me in the stomach, throwing his knee forcefully up. My breath hitches and I see suddenly see stars. It hurts.

 

When they finally leave, I'm lying on the sidewalk, looking at the blue sky. My whole body is in pain and I can't stand just yet. I'm going to wait for a little while here, wait for my muscles to relax, maybe for my black eye to turn purple. And suddenly, he's here, over me, blocking the light of the sun. He looks so worried and sad.

 

“Are you alright?” He asks with a small voice.

 

“... Yeah, 'think so...”

 

“If you want my opinion, that was stupid and reckless and you could have been killed and...” He really can't shut up sometimes, that guy. I love that in him, his blunt honesty. He lays down next to me, his shoulder barely touching mine and looks up at the sky.

 

“And?...”

 

“...And what would I do without you, Tadayoshi? I mean. Don't get killed for me, I'm not worth it.”

 

I chuckle. It has come like this, without my control. I take his hand.

 

“You're worth all the fights in the world, Ryo.”

 

It's said. I've blurted it out and I hope he got the message. He doesn't let go of my hand, it feels so good.

 

We're lying on the sidewalk together and people are walking around us, not even daring to look at the two weirdos ruining their uniforms on the floor. The only thing that could make this moment better is a cigarette.

 

****************  
  
_2011\. Ryo, Kissing._

I came back from my first semester at University yesterday. I was glad to see my parents and my little sister. It was amazing to have a family dinner with them and share the anecdotes of my student life at the university campus. Today, Tadayoshi is supposed to come to see me. He's sent me a text two days ago saying that he'd try to finish his shift earlier, so we can have some time together. He works at a restaurant now and he loves it but it's demanding and he's so busy that we've not talked properly in weeks on the phone. He always seems to be exhausted or just incredibly sleepy when I call him.

 

I'm sitting in my room, nervously playing with the soft fabric of my futon cover. The door bell rings and my mother opens the door, welcoming our visitor with a sweet voice. I can't move, it's like I'm going to melt, so I wait for him to climb the stairs and find the way to my bedroom. He knocks at the door and opens it just a little, checking with one eye that I'm in.

 

“Hey.” He says with one of his beautiful bright smile.

 

“Hey.” I answer, trembling.

 

The door closes behind him and I rediscover the Tadayoshi I know, so tall and so soft. His hair is black, now, all wavy and falling almost to his shoulders. It's so different from what I remember but I love it.

 

“How about your glasses?” Tadayoshi asks as he sits next to me on the bed. He has such concerns sometimes...

 

“I... wear contacts, now. What do you think?”

 

“You look amazing, Mister University, really...”

 

His laugh takes over the room, I had forgotten how loud and lively it is.

 

“Hey, don't laugh! How about your hair? Did you finally get that the golden hair does not suit you?” I respond, out of something better to say. He elbows me in the ribs, still laughing his head off.

When he's finally calmed himself, we exchange a few sentences, some words. I can see he's very tired and I appreciate that he's come all the way to my house just to see me. He may have better things to do, we've not seen each other for months after all.

 

Just when I'm thinking that I've somehow lost him to Life, that it will never be like before between us, I feel his hand landing on my thigh. It's large and warm, firm enough to show that he's made it on purpose. We stop talking, his face is a few inches from mine and I'm finally drowning into his bottomless irises, an infinite pool of gold and brown, lovingly staring at me.

 

On an impulse, I kiss his jaw. It's just a peck, quick and clumsy. But the softness of his skin attracts me so much that I press another kiss on his cheek, closer to his mouth this time. He lets me. He's waiting. I kiss the corner of his lips, lingering a little longer there. He turns just a bit and joins our mouths together, shyly. His hands are shaking as well when they land on my nape and pull me toward him. He gently bites my lower lip, it's so tender that I can hear myself purring like a cat at this display of love.

 

His tongue is now clumsily grazing where he was nibbling just a second ago. My heart is about to explode. I lean in further and pretty soon our tongues are dancing together, our mouths locked in a deep kiss. He moans, my hands go up and my fingers thread into his thick hair. We're so impossibly close but our knees are barely touching. My back hurts but I wouldn't give this up for anything when his warm and soft lips are still working their magic on mine.

 __  
My bed creaks loudly when he pulls me to him again, even closer. It startles us a bit and we stop, mouth against mouth, our ragged breaths mixing together, waiting for any reaction from my mother, downstairs. __  
  
Silence. __  
  
He laughs and bites his lower lip, embarrassed.  
  
It was our first kiss.

 

****************  
  
_2012\. Tadayoshi, Moving._

His place is small, but it's okay.

 

I'm really glad I won't need any excuses to be as close as possible to him. I resigned from my job to move with him in Tokyo. There are thousands of restaurants here, I'll find something easily. He helps me with the few boxes I've brought. He's so cute struggling with my heavy kitchenware in the stairs that I feel like rewarding him once we arrive.

 

I take him in my arms and he lets me lift his body, even locking his legs around my hips. I carry him to the wobbly table that sits in the middle of the room and kiss him everywhere my lips can reach. He is responding eagerly to the embrace, his legs pulling my hips against his, completely yielding to my caresses.

 

When we part, the flush all over his face makes me want him even more.

 

“Maybe we should bring the rest of your stuff before we...” He suggests with the timid smile he always has the second before love.

 

“Mmm... It's just my old console and a few of my dad's video games in those boxes...”

 

“What?? And you wanted to distract me from a vintage game session? They're still on the sidewalk, we _have_ to go get them... What if someone steals the boxes?”

 

I'm genuinely speechless. He looks so fired up suddenly, his eyes are shining and the flush on his face is gone.

 

“But...”

 

“Okay let's go. I want to see how you're doing at Mario Bros. Whoever wins owns the night.” Ryo winks and flashes his naughtiest smile at me. I'm okay with whatever he has in mind, especially when I feel his hand barely sliding under the waistband of my jeans. The tip of his fingers is teasing the sensitive skin there, just a bit, enough to get me completely docile. I steal a last kiss to his plump mouth and we're running down the stairs to retrieve the precious boxes.

 

Moving to Tokyo with him, living with the person I love, playing video games all night and then make love until we can't stay awake anymore, that's the life I want. I'll forget about the insecurities in high school and the violence that was nesting into me in his arms and I'll become someone worth respect. For him.

 

****************  
  
_2013\. Ryo, Cheating._

 

I could pretend it's the alcohol or that nothing has happened tonight but now that I'm standing in front of our door, the key almost in the keyhole, my resolutions vanish. I know that Tadayoshi is here, inside, most likely sleeping in our bed after an exhausting shift at the fancy restaurant he's working for. I open the door and the lock squeaks a little. I wince at the noise, made louder than I wanted by the night's silence.

 

It's three in the morning when I finally close the door behind me and our apartment is plunged into darkness again. He's snoring softly on the futon, on the other side of the room. It didn't wake him up, I feel lucky for a second.

 

I want to take a shower, I feel gross. The dirtiest I've ever been in my life. I don't want to touch his beautiful skin with hands I've consciously stained with another's sweat.

 

His name is Jin. He's my friend at University. He's clever and talented, his voice is beautiful and he understands what it is to study hard. We were supposed to go together at a student's party tonight. We drank a lot there and kept drinking once back at his place. When he kissed me, at first, I pushed him away. But soon his hands were roaming under my shirt and his kisses became bolder. My brain was a blur. A blur so thick, so dizzying, that I let him love me.

 

Once we were done, reality came down on me with a crushing pain. The person who was smiling, naked, next to me, was not Tadayoshi, not the person I love.

 

It's an understatement to say that I've fled from Jin's place, retrieving my clothes as fast as I could, stopping my run five minutes later in the street only to throw up.

 

And now I'm standing in the middle of my room, looking at Tadayoshi stretching in our bed while turning the lights on. That's how much he loves me: He always wakes up when I come back home for a kiss. He _feels_ that I'm back.

 

I don't want him to see me now, my eyes are bloodshot and I know I will hate the discussion we must have. Now is the moment he'll stop loving me. It's the exact second when I'm losing him.

 

“Hey...” He says with a tired smile. I'm still standing, stiff like a mannequin. My legs are shaking hard.

 

“Ryo-chan? Are you okay?”

 

Tadayoshi stops smiling. I engrave the lingering image of his smile in my memory, Iknow that I'll never see it again.

 

“I... I'm... So sorry.”

 

“Sorry? What for?”

 

“It was a mistake. I was so lost, I hate myself.”

 

“Ryo, you're scaring me, what happened?” He is now completely awake, a hint of panic rising in his voice.

 

I take a deep breath. It's now or never.

 

“I slept with him.”

 

“ _What_? Who?” Tadayoshi is standing in front of me, he's so tall and beautiful. His eyes start tearing up and he reaches for my shoulder in disbelief. He musn't touch me, I'm still dirty and queasy so I quickly take a step back.

 

“Jin.”

 

“... Did he force you?”

 

“No, of course not. I... Did not say no. I let him. I'm so sorry, I don't know what got to me... Please...”

 

He clenches his fists and his jaw, trying to keep control of himself. I've never seen such anger in his eyes, it's a nightmare.

 

“What did you expect coming back home like this, still smelling like his cologne? Why?”

 

“Please... I don't know, I'm so lost, I...”

 

Tadayoshi bends and grabs his clothes that he had thrown next to the bed. He's dressing up in silence and I still can't move, I've grown roots that paralyze me.

 

“I'm not buying that, Ryo. I can't stand the mere idea of you with... him... I...” He shakes and cries and gathers his stuff into a bag and I still can't do anything, it's like my life is over.

 

When the door slams behind him, it's three thirty in the morning and I've lost everything. I collapse.

 

****************  
  
_2014\. Tadayoshi, Enduring._

 

Another day and another night, gone. Another month spent without him. We've not talked for at least half a year, I don't answer his calls, it hurts. The thing is, it's been a while he hasn't called. Life is tasteless, even at the restaurant. The fancy recipes are not as attractive as they were, before.

 

Every morning I stop by the coffee shop next to my place before going for a run. I came to enjoy those moments alone, running, exhausting myself while listening to my favorite songs. The only minutes in my day when I feel good.

 

Today, the nice girl behind the counter smiles as usual, the sun is bright, and I'm almost comfortable with my hot coffee cup in hand. I turn and bump into someone, smaller than me. This contact, this vibration is not unknown. I know that fragrance by heart, this tiny body like the back of my hand.

 

Ryo looks up and our eyes meet in the warm light of a summer morning. We are speechless, standing terribly close to each other in the middle of people's way.

 

“Hi.” I say all of a sudden, and I can't hide the smile that is spreading on my lips. All this time I knew that if I ever met him again, I would be done for.

 

“Hi.” Ryo answers with a shy voice. He smiles too and grabs my arm to pull me out of the way of a businessman carrying a tray with a dozen jingling cups of coffee. We don't know what to say so we laugh, softly.

 

“Do you have a second?” He asks me. I'm daydreaming.

 

“Sure... I... I've nothing planned... 'Was just going for a run, actually.”

 

“Are you running? Wow, you're kidding me, right?”

 

“No, I'm really serious about that! I've been running every morning since...” Well done, Tadayoshi, really, well done. We could have avoided that particular topic, we could have had a nice conversation but my brain couldn't help mentioning what should have been put aside.

 

“How have you been?”

 

Ryo tries to go back to a lighter conversation, I can see he tries his best but still, the sadness in his eyes...

 

“I've been... Terrible.” I must be honest, there may not be another chance for us. We have to talk. “I missed you so much. But... It hurts, you know. So much. If there was any chance...”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I mean, if Jin is okay, of course, maybe we could have a moment together and talk.”

 

“Jin? Why would he give his opinion on that? We haven't met nor talked since then. Not once.”

 

“But... All this time?”

 

He shifts a little on his feet and looks even sadder than before. I'm confused, I thought he'd dumped me on that fateful night.

 

“All this time, I've been trying to reach you, Tadayoshi. I've been trying to explain. But you never took my calls. I guess you've never read my emails or my texts either. I just came back to Japan after a three weeks internship overseas. I still love you more than anyone. I still want you, I still crave for your presence. Please tell me you can forgive me. I beg you...”

 

His trembling voice is breaking my heart and I want nothing more than to kiss him now and here, in the coffee shop. It still hurts like hell, thinking of what he's done, but I feel that with time and patience we can overcome that hassle. We can become stronger, together.

 

I open my arms and he mindlessly throws himself against my chest, hiding his teary eyes into the crook of my neck.

 

“Thank you, oh thank you...”

 

“We can do it, Ryo. Together, we can do anything.”

 

****************  
  
_2015\. Ryo, Treasuring._

 

The place is crowded but I see him only, up there on the stage, focused and hardworking. Tadayoshi really wanted to participate in that cooking competition, we'd talked about it several times before our... pause. Now he's fighting for the title against a young Italian Chef and I can't be more proud of him. I love how his forehead wrinkles just a bit above his nose when he's concentrating.

 

His skilled hands are flying everywhere, stirring a sauce, cutting vegetables and cleaning his board. It smells so good as both of the recipes reach completion and the audience is thrilled at the judges' frowns when they taste the results.

 

He looks at me, with a bright smile that makes my heart dance out of joy. Even if he does not win tonight, we are still the happiest in that city, in that country. Maybe the happiest in the world.

 

Last month, he's asked me to live with him again.

 

Today, we're in Osaka for the competition he's trained for, so hard.

 

Tomorrow we'll be in Tokyo, again. In our apartment. A place we've chosen together, a place that suits our new life. He's an aspiring Chef, I'm a freshly graduated lawyer and we managed to pick up the pieces of our lives to built something stronger.

 

The judges announce the results. He's not the winner, but he still jumps in joy when he gets the second position. His childish glee is infectious and soon I'm in his arms, kissing him fully. We've been through too many things to care about the looks people are giving us.

 

“Congrats, Babe. You're the best.”

 

“Well, technically, I'm not, but thank you.”

 

“Maybe it's not the moment to say that, but... I've always believed in you, always. I'm sorry if I've never said it. Being back with you is the greatest chance life has ever given me.”

 

“Ryo... It's super embarrassing... I...”

 

“I don't care, I love you.” I kiss him again to cut any complaint he may have as his arms are sliding around me to deepen our embrace.

 

****************

  
_2016\. Tadayoshi, Living._

 

It's a rainy sunday outside, I don't want to move from the bed. Ryo's chest is lifting at every breath he takes, as he leaves soft kisses on his way, going up and down my body, following a pattern only himself sees. He is sensuality made flesh when he whimpers every time my fingers follow the curves of his lower back and my nails lightly scratch the most sensitive spots. His dark eyes are set on me, voracious and tender at the same time. I'm enthralled by their beauty and their depth, promising me all the pleasure in the world.

 

Still looking straight into my eyes, he bites the flesh on my hip and chuckles against my skin when he hears the moan it triggers.

 

“I wanna stay here forever, damn.” I hear myself say. Or think, I don't know anymore.

 

“Yeah, me too.” Ryo answers between two kisses. Either I spoke aloud or he's reading my mind.

 

“Okay. So I have a plan. Let's say we never leave the bedroom and you're just kissing me until we die.”

 

Another chuckle. He props himself on his elbows and looks at me.

 

“Well actually... We'll have to leave the room at least once.”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Next year, could you take a month off work?”

 

“I... Don't know. I suppose, yes, why?”

 

“I'm taking you on a trip. Once you told me that your dream was to visit the US... Long ago, when we talked about video games and American movies in my parent's backyard... Let's go together.”

 

I guess I must look like a dying fish with my eyes and mouth wide open because he laughs again and leans in to kiss me.

 

“B-but I've never been overseas... It's... wow. Ryo... It sounds crazy. Amazing!”

 

“So it's okay if we leave the bedroom, right?”

 

“As long as I'm with you, every place in the world feels like heaven, Ryo.”

 

****************

  
_2017\. Ryo, Loving._

 

He takes the flower I picked for him. In his eyes, I can read all the adoration he has for what we are as a couple. I feel so lucky every time I get to see all those incredible emotions in his eyes.

 

He loves me and I love him.

 

It's simple.

 

It's also complex.

 

It's the best feeling in the world.

 

A thunderstorm is raging in the distance, above the mountains. But in our valley, everything is quiet and we still enjoy the sunlight.

 

“We make a good team, right?” He says, admiring the impressive lightning tearing the sky apart in front of us.

 

“The best.”

 

 

 


End file.
